Sex: Fact and Fiction

What’s the average penis size? How fast is premature ejaculation? Exactly where is the G-spot? Grab a ruler and a stopwatch as the experts sort sex myths from the facts.
By Rob Baedeker
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Amal Chakraburtty, MD

If there were a roll call for the founding fathers of sex myths for men, a couple of no-brainers would surely make the list: porn legend John Holmes, whose yule-log-size penis still casts a shadow over anxiety-prone males. Ditto NBA-great Wilt Chamberlain, whose claim of having slept with 20,000 women makes Don Juan look monastic.

And then there’s purveyor-of-sex-myths Walt Disney.

“I think Walt Disney creates a lot of mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, PhD, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in San Francisco. “In Disney movies, people fall in love and walk into the sunset, and you get this myth that intimacy is a given once you fall in love, and sexuality is natural and follows that.”

In reality, says Prosterman, “Sex is something that we learn throughout a lifetime.”

If sexuality is a continuing education, a lot of us are scrambling to make up course credits. And in a realm that’s clouded by ego, myth and advertising that preys on anxieties, getting the facts about sex can be difficult. What is the average size of the male penis? How long do most men last during intercourse? Can men have multiple orgasms? Does the G-spot exist, and if so, how do I find it?

Penis Size: The Hard Facts

“Drastically enlarge the penis length and width to sizes previously thought impossible!” reads a website for the Penis Enlargement Patch. (One envisions a lab-coated mad scientist pouring chemicals on his own penis, then shouting ”Eureka!” and phoning the Guinness Book.) Almost anyone with an email account has been deluged by spam for such miracle-growth patches and pills, and the endurance of sex myths may explain the pervasiveness of such ads.

“We equate masculinity and power with penis size,” says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California at San Francisco and president of the International Society for Sexual Medicine. “Of course, there’s really no relationship.” Still, Sharlip says, “all” of his patients want to increase their penis size.

The idea that bigger is better is “not just total mythology,” says Seth Prosterman, who has counseled couples since 1984 and notes that some of the women he’s worked with do prefer a bigger penis -- aesthetically or “fit-wise.” But, he adds, “For the vast majority of partners, penis size doesn’t matter.”
So what, exactly, constitutes a big penis? Let’s whip out some data:

• The average penis size is between five and six inches. That’s for an erect penis.

• The flaccid male organ averages around three and a half inches.

Sex Fact: We Are Not Our Penises

If you had an anxiety hiccup before you read the “erect” qualifier, consider it a metaphor for the danger of jumping to conclusions about penis size -- or about the primacy of the penis altogether.

“The idea that the penis is the most important part of your body underlies so many of men’s sexual problems,” says Cory Silverberg, a sexual health educator and founding member of Come As You Are, an education-based sex store in Toronto. “One of the biggest sex myths for men is the notion that we are our penises, and that’s all that counts in terms of sex.”

“It’s a myth that using the penis is the main way to pleasure a woman,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, a sex and relationships counselor in New York City whose book She Comes First offers a guide to “female orgasms and producing them through inspired oral techniques.” In his book, Kerner cites a study that reports women reaching orgasm about 25% of the time with intercourse, compared with 81% of the time during oral sex.

OK, OK, Size Isn’t Important. But How Can I Increase My Penis Size?

Despite the facts, the din of penis-enlargement marketing only seems to grow louder. (“Realize total and absolute power and domination in bed with your partner, with your new-found penis size and sexual performance” screams the ad for the Penis Enlargement Patch.) Men keep chasing after the mythical, mammoth-sized member.

Silverberg says male clients at his store, and in his counseling work, constantly ask him about penis pumps, whose powers of elongation, he says, are a “myth,” although he adds that some men who’ve used them report satisfaction, a phenomenon he explains this way: “I think spending more time paying attention to our genitals will probably increase our sexual health.”

Just the Facts on the G-Spot

If sex myths have such power over men’s thinking about their own anatomy, they have even more sway when it comes to female partners’ bodies -- especially the much-debated G-spot.

Named after a German doctor, Ernst Gräfenberg, who first wrote about an erogenous zone in the anterior vaginal wall, the G-spot was popularized by a 1982 book called … The G-spot. This region behind the pubic bone is often credited as the trigger for a vaginal (vs. clitoral) orgasm, and even a catalyst for female ejaculation.

At the same time, the G-spot is commonly derided as perpetuating the myth ensconced by Sigmund Freud -- namely, that the clitoral orgasm is a "lesser" form of climax than the vaginal orgasm, which requires penile penetration. As Ian Kerner summarizes, “In Freud’s view, there were no two ways about it: If a woman couldn’t be satisfied by penetrative sex, something must be wrong with her.”

The G-spot’s existence is still debated, and whether it’s fact or fiction depends on whom you ask.

“The G-spot exists,” says Seth Prosterman. “It’s a source of powerful orgasm for a percentage of women.”

“I don’t think the G-spot exists,” says Ira Sharlip. “As urologists, we operate in that area [where the G-spot should be] and there just isn’t anything there -- there’s no anatomical structure that’s there.”

Prosterman and others point out the importance of thinking of the G-spot in context -- that it may be an extension of the clitoral anatomy, which extends back into the vaginal canal. Kerner writes that the G-spot may be “nothing more than the roots of the clitoris crisscrossing the urethral sponge.”

Helen O’Connell, MD, head of the neurourology and continence unit at the Royal Melbourne Hospital Department of Urology in Australia, says, “The G-spot has a lot in common with Freud's idea of vaginal orgasms. It is a sexual concept, this time anatomical, that results in confusion and has resulted in the misconception that female sexuality is extremely complex.”

In the end, whether this debated locus of pleasure is fact or fiction may not matter that much. O’Connell, who is also co-author of a 2005 Journal of Urology study on the anatomy of the clitoris, says that focusing on the G-spot to the exclusion of the rest of a woman’s body is “a bit like stimulating a guy's testicles without touching the penis and expecting an orgasm to occur just because love is present.” She says focusing on the inside of the vagina to the exclusion of the clitoris is “unlikely to bring about orgasm. It is best to think of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina as one unit because they are intimately related.”

How Long, Part 2: How Premature Is Premature Ejaculation?

The possibilities for exploring a woman’s erogenous zones may be tremendously exciting -- which leads to another source of sex myth and male anxiety: How long can I last? And how long should I be able to last?

Premature ejaculation is “the most common form of sexual dysfunction in younger men” according to Ira Sharlip, and its prevalence is around 20% to 30% in men of all ages.

The medical method of determining premature ejaculation is called “intravaginal ejaculatory latency time” (IELT), a stopwatch-timed duration measured from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation occurs. However, Sharlip adds, this quantitative measure doesn’t tell the whole story: “There are men who ejaculate within a minute but say that they don’t have premature ejaculation. And then on other end of spectrum, there are patients who are able to last for 20 minutes, and they say they do have premature ejaculation.”

In other words, the definition of "premature" may be largely in the eye (or mind) of the beholder, and depends on a man's sexual satisfaction and his perception of his ability to control when ejaculation occurs.

If you just can’t wait for the numbers, though, a 2005 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found “a median IELT of 5.4 minutes.”

Ian Kerner says a common cutoff time used to define premature ejaculation is two minutes, but he adds that many of the men he works with “are not guys who can last a few minutes; they’re having orgasms during foreplay, or immediately upon penetrating. They have a hard time lasting past 30 seconds.”

But a quick trigger is normal, says Kerner. “Men were wired to ejaculate quickly -- and stressful situations make them ejaculate even more quickly. It’s been important to the human race. If guys took an hour to ejaculate, we’d be a much smaller planet.”

Sex therapists and physicians offer a number of techniques that can help men manage their anxiety and prolong their time to ejaculation. Several drugs -- like some antidepressants (used for off-label treatment) and topical sprays -- have been shown to extend time to ejaculation.

And, contrary to the common perception that distraction or decreasing stimulation is the answer (slow down, think about baseball), some say that giving in to sensation can help address the issue as well. “The way to learn [to last longer] is by getting used to intense stimulation,” says Prosterman, “to increase the frequency of intercourse, and feel every sensation of being inside your partner and enjoy it.”

Come Again? The Mythical Multiple Orgasm for Men

While multiple male orgasm is possible anywhere two or more men are gathered and talking, actual male multiple orgasm is another story. Unlike the more established phenomenon of female multiple orgasm, men’s claims of successive climaxes can stray into the realm of sex myth. At the very least, male multiple orgasm is difficult to verify and may depend on the definition of orgasm.

Prosterman says that the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man popularized “an Eastern meditative process that involves wrapping the PC [pubococcygeus] muscle around the prostate. There’s a valve on the prostate that switches on and off before urination and ejaculation. The PC muscle stops this valve from opening, allowing an orgasm without ejaculation. The idea is to keep doing that five or six times in a row.

“Out of hundreds of guys I know who’ve tried this,” says Prosterman, “I know only one who’s been able to do it.”

Is this man Mr. Lucky, or just prone to poetic license?

A 1989 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior recorded the testimony of 21 other men who claimed to be multi-orgasmic, but Ira Sharlip says “that doesn’t happen,” referring to the phenomenon of “multiple orgasms in succession over a short period of time -- like minutes.” And there’s no such thing as separating ejaculation and orgasm, he says.

Orgasm or Orgasm-esque?

What may be at issue here is the definition of orgasm -- which, according to a 2001 Clinical Psychology Review article, has been strikingly inconsistent. “Many definitions of orgasm “depict orgasm quantitatively as a ‘peak’ state that may not differentiate orgasm adequately from a high state of sexual arousal,” the study’s authors wrote.

In other words, those men who report multiple orgasms may be able to achieve orgasm-esque states before they hit the point of ejaculatory no-return. And many men report that strengthening the PC muscles through Kegel exercises allows them to edge closer to this “point of inevitability” without cresting the mountaintop of ejaculation and descending into the gentle valley of the flaccid and the “refractory” period, where the penis is temporarily unresponsive to sexual stimulation.

Even so, both Prosterman and Sharlip say this refractory period can be short enough that it’s possible for men to orgasm, ejaculate, recover and do it again -- and again -- during the same “session” of sex.

And if that recovery period isn’t super quick, you can still enjoy multiple orgasms -- you may just need to cancel your afternoon appointments.

Sex Fact: It’s Not Always about the Numbers

In the end, there seems to be a recurring theme in moving beyond sex myths: Don’t get too hung up on the numbers.

So often the key to sexual satisfaction is not about penis size, stamina records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot. Rather, it’s about understanding yourself and your partner’s desires and recognizing that, unlike those Disney characters, real people aren’t born with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex.

As O’Connell remarks on the perils of over-privileging of the G-spot, “It is best for partners to explore the precise areas that turn someone on and how a partner likes to be given pleasure. That applies to both men and women, and the idea that there is any consistent 'magic spot' in either sex is just tyrannical.”

Is Masturbation Normal?

Your Guide to Masturbation

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking or massaging the penis or clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. Some women also use stimulation of the vagina to masturbate or use "sex toys," such as a vibrator.

Who Masturbates?

Just about everybody. Masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have sexual relations with a partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.

Why Do People Masturbate?

In addition to feeling good, masturbation is a good way of relieving the sexual tension that can build up over time, especially for people without partners or whose partners are not willing or available for sex. Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. It also is necessary when a man must give a semen sample for infertility testing or for sperm donation. When sexual dysfunction is present in an adult, masturbation may be prescribed by a sex therapist to allow a person to experience an orgasm (often in women) or to delay its arrival (often in men).

Is Masturbation Normal?

While it once was regarded as a perversion and a sign of a mental problem, masturbation now is regarded as a normal, healthy sexual activity that is pleasant, fulfilling, acceptable and safe. It is a good way to experience sexual pleasure and can be done throughout life.

Masturbation is only considered a problem when it inhibits sexual activity with a partner, is done in public, or causes significant distress to the person. It may cause distress if it is done compulsively and/or interferes with daily life and activities.

Is Masturbation Harmful?

In general, the medical community considers masturbation to be a natural and harmless expression of sexuality for both men and women. It does not cause any physical injury or harm to the body, and can be performed in moderation throughout a person's lifetime as a part of normal sexual behavior. Some cultures and religions oppose the use of masturbation or even label it as sinful. This can lead to guilt or shame about the behavior.

Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.

Reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?

Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?
Experts discuss the differences between male sex drive and female sex drive.
By Susan Seliger
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MD

The simplest way to capture the differences between men’s and women’s sex drives is to consider how you’d answer this test: create a sentence using the words "sex" and "love."

If you’re a woman, odds are your sentence goes something like this: “When two people understand each other, trust each other, and love each other, then the sex is the best.” If you’re a man, chances are your sentence more closely resembles this: “I love sex.”

It’s a stereotype, it’s a cliché, and more often than not, it’s true. “We like to think of men having the higher sex drive -- it’s not always true, but more often, it is,” says Eva Ritvo, MD, vice chairman in the department of psychiatry and behavioral science at the Miller School of Medicine, University of Miami.

“Each person’s sex drive is like an appetite: Some people spend their whole life in the kitchen and think about food all the time; some people can skip lunch,” says Ritvo, who is also chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center, Florida.

As a rule, men don’t like to skip lunch. But that’s only the beginning of the story.

What Is Sex Drive?

Sex drive -- the way men and women think about sex and engage in sex -- is a slippery concept. Researchers have a hard time quantifying it: Is it how often we think about sex? How often we want sex? How often we become aroused or actually have sex? Sex drive is all that, and more.

“Sex drive, which scientists now call sexual desire, is one of the most difficult to define,” says Patricia Koch, PhD, associate professor of Biobehavioral Health & Women’s Studies at Pennsylvania State University and adjunct professor of human sexuality at Widener University. Sexual arousal is easily identifiable -- for men it shows up as an erection, in women, lubrication (and enlargement of the clitoris).
“But desire is not just about arousal or frequency -- how often you have sex can depend on so many other circumstances and opportunities: whether you have a partner or not, whether you like your partner,” says Koch.

Some researchers have begun to question how we define sex drive -- insisting that we have only looked at it from a male model, so of course women come up short. The male sex drive model resembles a straight line: It is a “linear model of sexual response, where first they have desire, then arousal, then orgasm,” says Koch. For women, sexual interest follows a more meandering model. “Their drive is for emotional bonding and caring -- once they feel that, then they get aroused and interested,” Koch says. “Women want and enjoy a lot more sex play than men want. It takes them longer to be stimulated through sex play than men,” says Koch. What’s more pleasurable to women may be affectionate physical contact that may or may not end in orgasm, and this indirectness is not a sign of a lack of sex drive.

Here are a few things researchers do know about how men and women’s sex drives compare. Bear in mind, individuals vary from these norms. That’s what makes life -- and sex -- so interesting.

It Is Common for Couples to Experience a Discrepancy in Sex Drives

“The biggest problem I encounter in sex and marital counseling is an imbalance in sexual interest -- one partner wants more, one wants less,” says Richard Driscoll, PhD, a marriage therapist in Knoxville, Tenn. for 34 years, and author of Intimate Masquerades: A Survival Guide for Those Who Know Too Much. “The average American married five years has sex once or twice a week. That’s your average. It’s not a problem if you vary from that average -- you only have a problem when you cannot agree,” says Driscoll.

Many couples cannot agree. Driscoll says half of all marriages experience some discrepancy in desire at some point, and it’s usually men who have a higher sex drive. About one in five women report that their husbands have turned them down for sex, Driscoll says, while half of all men say their wives have turned them down.

Sex and Happiness Are Strongly Linked

“For men, we know one thing: The absence of sex makes them unhappy. For women, it is not as problematic,” says Edward Laumann, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States, the most comprehensive survey of sexual practices since the Kinsey Report.

We also know that in nationwide studies, men report that they are happier and more satisfied with their sex lives than women. “In our study of people aged 40 to 80, there was a 10- to 14-point spread between men and women reporting they were ‘extremely or very satisfied.' Women were lower in satisfaction -- across the world,” says Laumann, citing data from a 2006 international study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Good Sex and Good Health Go Together

A fulfilling sex life leads to happiness, which in turn seems to make you healthier generally. “All our studies verify this: The more satisfied you are in sexual matters, the happier you are in general,” says Laumann. And the likelier you are to be healthy, too. “We have also found that the happy couple is more likely to be compliant with medication when physical problems come up -- so your health is likely to be better. Married people are healthier than single people,” Laumann says.

Men Think About Sex More Than Women

“When sociologists ask 'How often do you think about sex?' the responses show pretty dramatic differences between men and women,” says Laumann. “The majority of males between 18-to-59 of the U.S. population report that they think about sex at least once a day -- one third think of it several times a day. Only 25% of females report thinking about it every day,” Laumann says.

But maybe some of that difference in sex drive may simply result from the fact that what turns women on is quite different -- and less explicitly sexual -- than what turns men on. “I have had women say ‘What turns me on is when my husband cleans up after dinner and takes out the garbage -- then my interest for sex is piqued,’” says Koch.

Biology Works to Keep Women’s Sex Drive in Check

There are strong biological as well as cultural reasons why women may not be as free to pursue sex as men, even in our post-birth control, post-feminist world. In the simplest terms, women may be hard-wired to be cautious about sex because they are the ones who can get pregnant and wind up taking care of the baby.

“Pregnancy is a threatening condition for women -- it renders them vulnerable; they can’t run from predators,” explains Laumann. As a woman, “If you don’t pick your time felicitously, you get selected out of the gene pool,” Laumann says.

Males, at least young males, seem more avidly interested in sex in nearly every species in the animal kingdom, because they have everything to gain -- disseminating their genetic material -- and not much to lose, according to Richard Driscoll.

“You’ve seen dogs line up for the female in heat and cats go out in storms to tomcat around,” says Driscoll, explaining that because the males of most species invest less in offspring, they’re free to pursue opportunities for sex. The female, who will be required to invest more, does well to “go slowly and choose carefully, because she is going to have to put a lot of resources into each offspring.”

The only exceptions to this rule -- when the female, not the male, becomes the sexual pursuer -- are species such as sea horses and sea snipes (a bird) in which the males are the caretakers of the young, according to Driscoll. “In those two species, the females come on to the males, because the males are investing more” in the offspring, Driscoll says.

Taking Care of Others Can Dampen Sex Drive

“One of the most intriguing obstacles to desire is caretaking,” says Esther Perel, a couples and family therapist in New York City, and author of Mating In Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic. Women today are largely the caretakers -- of the children, the husband, and the home, even if they, too, work outside the home.

Why does this sabotage sex drive? Caretaking makes you think about others, while desire hinges on your being able to think about yourself and your own needs. “Desire is rooted in autonomy, freedom, and selfishness. If you can’t be selfish, you can’t have an orgasm,” Perel says.

Medical Conditions and Medications Can Affect Sex Drive

Any serious illness, from alcoholism to cancer and diabetes can be distracting and dampen ardor. Depression, as well as the SSRIs used to treat it, can inhibit desire. So can tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Some women find the hormonal changes of menopause cause a drop in sex drive. Cardiovascular disease and hypertension can reduce blood flow to the body, including the genitals, and decrease sexual interest as well. Conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids, thyroid disorders, and tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones), can also have an impact on sexual drive.

Our Culture Encourages Men’s Sex Drive, Not Women’s

Socialization in our culture plays a role, too, in the disparity between men’s and women’s sex drive. “Men are encouraged to pursue sex more than women; they are taught the more you have the better; you’re more of a man if you do,” says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, a psychologist and sex therapist on the clinical faculty of the University of California, San Francisco, and author of For Yourself, For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy.

The double standard on acceptable sexual behavior for men and women, which still prevails, affects women’s sexual desire, Koch says. “I work with college women, and even though we have Sex and the Cityon TV saying you can be sexual, women still get the message that it is not OK. Men are looked at as studs if they are sexual, but the women are still called sluts,” Koch says.

Men’s and Women’s Sex Drives Work Differently

Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. “I hear women say in my office that desire originates much more between the ears than between the legs,” says Perel. “For women there is a need for a plot -- hence the romance novel. It is more about the anticipation, how you get there -- it is the longing that is the fuel for desire,” Perel says.

Men, on the other hand, don’t need to have nearly as much imagination, Perel says, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them.

That does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love and connection in a relationship --- they do, just as women do. They just view the role sex plays in that relationship differently. “Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex,” Perel explains. “For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side,” Perel says. “It is their language of intimacy.”

Men and Women Approach Casual Sex Differently

Willingness to engage in casual sex “splits totally along gender lines,” says Driscoll. In a University of Hawaii study, researchers had a good-looking guy and good-looking girl approach a student of the opposite sex and talk for five minutes.

After five minutes, each student was asked one of two questions: When asked to go out on a date, male and female responses were identical: 50% of women and 50% of men said yes. But when asked to have sex, the answers couldn’t have been more opposite: 75% of the men said yes and 0% of the women said yes, according to Driscoll.

Orgasms Are Different for Men and Women

While researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male versus female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there. Men, on average, take four minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation, according to Laumann. (Well, that’s three minutes and 58 seconds longer than the average mosquito.) Women usually take around 10 to 11 minutes to reach orgasm. If they do.

That’s another difference between the sexes -- how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among men who are part of a couple, 75% report that they always have an orgasm, as opposed to 26 % of the women. And not only is there a difference in reality, there’s one in perception, too. While the men’s female partners reported their rate of orgasm accurately, the women’s male partners reported that they believed their female partners had orgasms 45% of the time.

The Number of Sex Partners -- And Affairs -- Varies by Gender, Too

For men, the median number of partners they report is six, according to Laumann’s research. The median number of partners women report is two. Some 23% of men report having 5-to-10 partners; 20% of women report that many.

“Extramarital relations are less prevalent than pop and pseudo-scientific accounts contend,” according to Tom Smith in the 2006 National Opinion Research Center report, American Sexual Behavior: Trends, Socio-Demographic Differences, and Risk Behavior.
“The best estimates are that about 3% to 4% of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year and about 15%-18% of ever-married people have had a sexual partner other than their spouse while married.” However, Smith writes, married men are twice as likely to have affairs as married women.

What Can Couples Do to Get Their Sex Drives in Sync?

It is only normal for sex drive to ebb and flow, and couples should not be overly alarmed to find that their sex drives do not always match up. However, if differing levels of desire is causing consistent unhappiness for one or both partners, it is important to resolve it. “You both have to be happy with your level of sexual activity,” says Barbach.

1. Talk it over in a calm, neutral setting.

Start talking -- but not right after one person has just been turned down in his or her romantic advances. Wait for a neutral time and do it in a non-charged setting -- outside the bedroom. If opening the conversation feels awkward, get a book about sex and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh -- break the tension. Let your partner know that you’re open to making things better between you. That’s half the battle.

2. Avoid name-calling.

He is not a “sex fiend” just because he wants more, and she is not a “nymphomaniac” if she wants more, or “frigid” when she wants less. If you are in a committed relationship, and you want it to work, you both have to recognize that it is perfectly normal for sex drives to differ. The important thing is for you both to enjoy the sex you have together -- however and whenever you do.

3. Both parties have to give a little.

Therapists seem divided about who has to try to adapt his or her sex drive to the other’s. “Whoever wants more sex is the one who has to make the most adjustments,” insists Driscoll. Other therapists say the opposite: “The general rule of thumb in sex therapy is that the person with the least desire has to figure out how to enjoy it more -- have more sex, come to a negotiation,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and past president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Clearly, the best thing to do is meet in the middle.

4. Allow for physical affection that does not lead to sex.

Go out of your way to touch each other in affectionate, but not explicitly sexual ways. Do not let a day go by when you do not say hello or goodbye with a kiss. Touch each other playfully as you pass in the hall. Cuddle with the clearly-stated agreement that this will not lead to sex so as to take the pressure off the less libidinous partner. Hug until you feel relaxed. These tokens of affection will build the bond between you -- and the electricity as well.

5. Schedule sex dates.

Knowing that on a designated day, you will be having sex, will bring relief to both parties. No one has to face the humiliation of being rejected, or the anguish and guilt of disappointing their partner.
Yes, you have to give up the notion that sex is only hot when it’s spontaneous. But a sure thing can be just as satisfying. And the process of planning can build anticipation. Take pleasure in the details, from the mood music to the lingerie, and make sure there will be no interruptions for at least two hours.

6. Court your partner -- presents help.

“Men have to court women with gifts and good manners to get them in the mood -- every animal in every species does it,” says Driscoll. Among chimpanzees, he says, “the male gives the largest share of the kill to a fertile female” so he can be assured of sex.

Though perhaps found less in nature, men like presents, too. Both partners need to remember how solicitous they were of each other when they first met and always strive for that kind of respect and generosity of spirit.

7. Try whole-body stimulation -- and take it slow.

For men, sexuality tends to be focused disproportionately on the genitals. Slowing lovemaking down and focusing on the other erogenous zones can give a woman the time she needs to become aroused and receptive, and can help ease performance pressures for men. Be pleasure oriented not goal oriented.

8. Surprise fuels sex drive.

Be imaginative and playful. Change rooms, try the couch. Take a look at some of the newer erotic literature and films that include female fantasies as well as male. Share your fantasies with each other -- acting them out only if both of you are comfortable with the scenario. A fantasy doesn’t have to be anything more than imagining what you wish someone would do to give you pleasure. Start small … and build.

9. Reduce Stress in Your Lives

Stress can be the ultimate sex drivesapper. Help each other play more and work less -- go for hikes, take long weekends away. Even if things are going badly at work or with the kids, try to separate those issues from what is going on between you as a couple. “Desire is a healthy form of entitlement -- when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down,” Perel says. And once you’ve helped each other relax a little, remember sex itself can be an excellent stress-reliever.

10. Get outside help

People go to golf and tennis clinics -- so why not sex therapy to improve your game in the bedroom? Also consult a doctor to see if there may be a medical reason behind your dissatisfaction with your sex drive. There may be alternative drugs for depression and other conditions that can have less of an impact on sex drive. And just as poor health inhibits male and female sex drive, good health resulting from increased exercise and improved diet can help restore libido.

Published February 2007.

Great Sex Unzipped

So How’s Your Sex Life? Here Are 6 Tips for Making It Great
By Josh Sens
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Sheldon Marks, MD

Was it good for you?

If you’re like a lot of men, chances are it wasn’t. At least, the sex wasn’t as good as you think it could have been.

You were addled with anxiety, plagued by concerns over your performance, and worried about the worthiness of your physique during lovemaking. Even if the act achieved the idealized heights of a Hollywood screenplay -- she melted at your touch, you thundered like a stallion, you writhed in unison to volcanic climax -- you still harbor suspicions: You’re pretty much certain you’re not getting it as often as everyone else.

For creatures so famously consumed by thoughts of sex, men remain remarkably confused about what great sex is and how to have it. We’re shadowed by self-doubt, and clouded by myths and misperceptions. It’s not just about our mind-set. We men could also work on our mechanics. Mentally and physically, we’re hampered, hindered. We’re impeded on our path to greater sexual pleasure.

To rephrase a famous question: Can’t we all just have great sex?

Of course we can. But first we should decide what great sex is.

“Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander,” says Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner. For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth.”

Great Sex Tip 1: Take Up Pillow Talk

Right. The mouth. Useful for kissing and other orally administered forms of arousal (none of which should be underestimated), it’s also a tool for communication. Try it. Tell her what you want. Ask her what she likes. Shoot for trust and openness.

“If you get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship,” says Joy Davidson, a New York-based psychologist and sexologist, and the author of Fearless Sex.

Great Sex Tip 2: Don’t Believe Locker Room Talk

When men do talk, they often puff themselves up to their peers. Less apt than women to discuss their insecurities and more inclined to exaggerate their exploits, men paint distorted pictures of their sex lives for one another.

“A lot of men wind up thinking that their sex life is missing something, that other men are having wilder sex or more frequent sex,” Davidson says. “They have a sense that the pleasure ship has sailed and left them behind.”

According to Michael Castleman, a San Francisco-based sex expert and author of Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex, the average frequency of sex in committed long-term relationships is roughly once every 10 days.

Great Sex Tip 3: Don’t Compare Your Sex Life With Porn

Not everything men know about sex they learned from pornography. But a lot of it they did. And that can be a problem. Populated as it is by flawlessly formed women and men with etched abs and equine endowments, adult entertainment makes many guys wonder: What am I doing wrong? Or, more to the point: What’s wrong with me?

“One of the most destructive myths of porn is that it convinces so many guys that they’re too small,” Castleman says. “They forget that pornography is self-selecting…These are not average men. They’re the extreme end of the scale.”

Some of the other fictions that porn perpetuates are the idea that women are always primed and ready (“in the real world,” Davidson says, “people do say ‘no’”); that the same moves work on every partner; that satisfying sex always culminates in orgasm.

There are positives to porn -- it can, for example, inspire us to greater sexual exploration. But when Debbie Did Dallas, she also did damage to the way men often think about sex.

“I’m not going to stand in the way of your watching porn, as long as you’re aware that it’s not reality,” Castleman says. “It’s like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.”

Great Sex Tip 4: Focus on Pleasurable Sensations

While we’re on driving, let’s talk about commutes. And cubicles. And computers. And the demands and distractions of our daily lives.

Stress is an enemy of great sex. So is anxiety about performance. Minimizing both helps maximize your enjoyment of your partner. “If we can quiet our monkey-minds, put a stop to that ceaseless inner-chatter, we can open ourselves up to better sex,” Britton says.

She recommends that men adopt a mantra: FOPS, or Focus on Pleasurable Sensations.
“There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment,” Britton says. “Great sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to come.”

Great Sex Tip 5: Focus Less on Size and More on Other Matters

“I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t matter,” Davidson says. “There are plenty of women for whom it absolutely does. But I prefer to focus on the idea of the right fit.”

No two people are built the same, and it helps to have compatible body parts. For some women, men of modest size may be a perfect fit. It’s a matter of physiology and personal preference. But perfect-fitting penetration isn’t the only path to satisfying sex. Focus on foreplay. Concentrate on kissing, cooing, caressing -- the full panoply of sexual pleasure giving.

“A lot of women are very responsive to a man’s voice during lovemaking,” Davidson says. “If a man has verbal facility and can entice a woman through his voice, that can become a powerful part of his repertoire.

Great Sex Tip 6: Schedule Sex. Really.

What sounds rote and dreary can actually be dreamy, says Michael Castleman, who recommends the strategy especially to couples in long-term relationships, who’ve passed the can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other phase.

“There’s this powerful mythology that says you should fall into each other’s arms spontaneously, with string music playing and the sun setting in the West, and if that doesn’t happen there’s something wrong with you,” Castleman says. “Nonsense. Real life doesn’t work that way.”

Rather than heightening the pressure to perform (“It’s now, or never!”), scheduling can actually make sex more relaxing. You can develop sensual rituals, make romantic gestures in anticipation of your encounter. You can give each other massages or take a shower together.

Castleman says that scheduling sex also eliminates conflict over desire differences.
“People say, ‘What if I’m not in the mood?’ Well, one of the things about relationships is that you sometimes make compromises. But what astonishes people once they start scheduling sex is that they can actually enjoy it.”

Male Enhancement: Is It Worth a Try?

Nonpresciption methods of male enhancement and male enlargement range from the possibly effective to the downright dangerous.
By Richard Sine
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Our email inboxes fill up every day with advertisements for pills, ointments, supplements, and contraptions aimed at enhancing penis size, sexual stamina, or libido. It’s a testimony to men’s abiding insecurities about sexual performance. The question is, do any of these “male enhancement” techniques really work?

Richard, a mechanic from upstate New York, is a muscular, athletic guy. He has a loving wife who has always enjoyed their sex life. But ever since he was a young boy, Richard couldn’t get over the feeling that his penis was too small. In public bathrooms, he’d use the handicapped stall. He felt embarrassed in gym locker rooms and when standing naked before his wife. “I didn’t feel manly enough,” he tells WebMD.

Then, in the back of a weightlifting magazine, he saw an ad for the FastSize Extender, a device that claims to make the penis longer and fatter through traction. Richard began wearing the device almost eight hours a day, every day. He was shocked to notice a difference within a few days. After four months of wearing the device, he says his flaccid penis has stretched from 3 inches to over 5 inches; erect, he has gone from less than 6 inches to over 7 inches. The device cost $298, but Richard says the effect on his self-confidence has been priceless: “It made a world of difference to me.”

The FastSize Extender, though not extensively tested, has received some validation from mainstream medical sources. But that makes it a true rarity among the nonprescription methods of male enhancement. Most are a waste of money, and some are downright dangerous, doctors say.

Instead of furtively turning to untested methods, men with persistent concerns should consider opening up about them with their doctors. That’s because performance problems sometimes act as an early warning signal for serious health problems. Your doctor might be able to prescribe something that can really help, or least provide a valuable dose of perspective about what constitutes “normal” sexual performance.

Links Between Sexual and Overall Health

Sexual performance declines naturally as men age, doctors say. But a rapid or severe decrease in performance or libido can be a red flag. Most importantly, erectile dysfunction may be an early predictor of heart disease.

Atherosclerosis, a condition in which fatty deposits build up inside arteries, may restrict blood flow to the penis and cause erection difficulties. “The small blood vessels that go to the penis can become diseased much earlier than the [larger] vessels that go to the heart,” Karen Boyle, MD, a urologist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, tells WebMD. “In younger or younger middle-aged men, ED is often the first sign of atherosclerosis.”

For men with ED who are at risk of heart disease, prescribing Viagra or its cousins isn’t enough, Boyle says. These men should be also be controlling their weight and cholesterol level, limiting their alcohol intake, and quitting smoking. Evidence shows that these changes in themselves can have a positive effect on sexual function, Boyle says.

Sometimes men with erection problems or a diminished libido have low levels of testosterone, Boyle says. Testosterone deficiencies can also affect mood and energy levels. Boyle tests for testosterone levels and prescribes it as a topical gel, though she warns it is only safe when prescribed and monitored by a physician. Nonprescription testosterone, such as the kind used by some bodybuilders, is dangerous, she warns.

For men with performance issues who are physically healthy, Boyle often prescribes counseling, such as marriage counseling for men with relationship issues or psychiatric help for men who are preoccupied with a problem in penile appearance. For young men with sexual performance problems and no signs of physical problems, Boyle may prescribe counseling and a low dose of Viagra as they work out issues of insecurity. “They need reassurance from a physician that everything is OK,” she says.

The Quest for a Bigger Penis

The FastSize Extender device promises results, but it’s far from quick and easy. Just ask Bob, a retail manager from New Jersey. He says he’s gained over 2 inches of erect length. All it took was 25 months and over 2,600 hours wearing the device, typically five hours a day, seven days a week. “I was afraid my girlfriend would think I was a freak, but she was supportive because she felt a difference in her satisfaction and I felt more confident in myself,” Bob tells WebMD.

Richard, the mechanic from New York, got results faster than Bob, but still wore the device under his clothes for about eight hours a day. Richard’s wife has also been supportive. “I see a more confident man in front of me from using this product,” she says. She also says the lengthening has enhanced their sex life, though she had no complaints before.

Chicago urologist Laurence A. Levine, MD, director of the male fertility program at Rush University Medical Center, tested the FastSize Extender on 10 men afflicted with Peyronie’s disease, which can cause bending and shrinkage of the penis. At the end of the six-month study, which was funded by the maker of the FastSize Extender, Levine found increased penile length and reduced curvature in every man and increased girth in seven of the men. Calling the results “remarkable,” Levine now prescribes the device to many of his Peyronie’s patients and reports no significant complications.
(Levine has also worked as a paid consultant to FastSize Extender.)

Could FastSize work on men of normal penile length? Levine says it might. “If a woman can have a breast enlargement and it makes them psychologically feel better,” he reasons, “then perhaps we should have the same thing for men.”
Penis-lengthening surgery is also an option for men, but it is a highly controversial procedure. The American Urological Association says a common form of lengthening surgery (involving cutting the suspensory ligament of the penis) has not been shown to be safe or effective. The group also refuses to endorse surgeries that inject fat cells in the penis with the goal of increasing penile girth.

Many doctors question whether the benefits of lengthening surgery outweigh the risks. A 2006 study found that only 35% of men were satisfied with the outcome of surgery, which added only half an inch, on average, to length. Men who are overly preoccupied with penis length tend to have unrealistic expectations of surgery and should seek counseling instead, the authors wrote.

Thousands of years before Viagra, men were consuming everything from horny goat weed to powdered rhino horn in hopes of boosting sexual performance. The remedies persist for men who can’t get their hands on prescription drugs like Viagra or who prefer “natural” cures.

But many doctors are wary of traditional medicines. When Boyle’s patients come to her with bottles of herbal supplements, she tells them she cannot vouch for their safety or effectiveness unless the FDA has reviewed the claims on the label.

No herbal remedy can restore erections like Viagra and its prescription counterparts, says Steven Lamm, MD, an assistant professor of medicine at New York University and author of The Hardness Factor. But Lamm says these remedies may be appropriate for men who have experienced a decline in sexual performance but do not suffer from a diagnosable sexual problem. Lamm has endorsed an herbal remedy, marketed under the Roaring Tiger label, that combines horny goat weed and other herbal extracts with the amino acid L-arginine. (The supplements are made by the same company that makes the FastSize Extender.)

The Way to Happiness in Bed

The Internet is rife with scammers who seek to prey on men’s insecurities, Levine says. “All the pills, topical creams, and gels are worthless. Many men would clearly rather spend $20, $50, $100 on the Internet than go to the doctor and get real information.”

In some cases, men are harming themselves in the pursuit of a bigger penis. Levine cites “jelqing,” a technique involving hours and hours of intense stroking. He says he has patients who have developed Peyronie’s disease due to violent stretching of the penis through jelqing.

It’s ironic that the male preoccupation with enhancement seems to be independent of the needs of women, the supposed benefactors of improved sexual performance. A recent study found that 85% of women are pleased with their partner’s penis proportions, but 45% of men say they want a larger penis. Given that the vast majority of men fall within a certain penis size -- about 5.5 to 6.2 inches long when erect -- most men fall within the normal range.

And there’s plenty of debate on whether size matters at all. The most sensitive nerves in the vagina are found close to the surface, Lamm notes, and the clitoris is found on the vagina’s outside. So there should be plenty of ways to satisfy your partner that have nothing to do with pills, creams, surgery, or devices.

Sexual Foreplay: What’s in It for Men?

Sexual foreplay means more sex. And that’s something any guy can get into
By Sean Elder
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Sheldon Marks, MD

Dates that end with lovemaking often begin with dining out, so that the meal itself can be seen as a form of sexual foreplay -- in more ways than one. How many times has this happened to you: You take your woman out to dinner at a nice restaurant. The waiter takes your drink orders and tells you of the specials, a busboy brings you a choice of savory breads, and you get down to the business of perusing the menu. Your eye is on the right side of the page -- steak? lobster? steak and lobster? -- when your date announces, “I think I’ll just have a salad and a couple of appetizers.”
At this juncture you might say something like, “Are you crazy? You’ll be starving later!” But she insists she knows her appetite and enough of those little things make, for her, a full and satisfying meal.

So it is with sexual foreplay. A lot of men don’t think they’ve had sex unless they have had full-on sexual intercourse -- the meat and potatoes of many men’s sex lives, if not the steak and lobster. Skeptical as they are of the nourishment value of the proverbial small plates, they tend to rush toward the entrée and insist they’re not really dining otherwise. They don’t see the value of sexual foreplay in lovemaking -- the well-placed nibble and stroke, the suckle and bite -- even if that is what women often want.

Or at least that’s what they say about us. “It kind of depends how much these people read,” Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and board-certified sex therapist in Fair Oaks, Calif., says of men’s attitudes about lovemaking and sexual foreplay. “If they are at all readers, they are likely to have come across the idea someplace that most women enjoy the idea of foreplay.”

Why Men Have a Fear of Foreplay

If you missed that article in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, you are not alone. A sensitive, well-read man may indeed have encountered this notion of sexual pleasure, but most of us have probably filed it under Forget. “I think it’s fair to say men are still afraid of women’s bodies,” says Mark Epstein, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in Manhattan and author of Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life. “Exploration of female sexuality is still something that can be perfected.”

And some of us are working on perfecting it, even if it’s just with one woman. But why the fear of sexual foreplay? “Most men are hung up on the fear of losing their erection,” says Epstein. “It dominates their mind during the act of sex. They’re really preoccupied with themselves, or they are in some kind of dance with themselves.”

Based on her own practice, as well as her experience as author of the Sexual Health: Sex Matters blog, Weston concurs. “If men have a worry about losing an erection, they tend to sometimes rush to insert for intercourse,” she says. “They can skip over foreplay or make it extremely brief because they’re just thinking about maintaining that erection above all else.” It is as though the act of sex is a performance and they will be judged on the quality and longevity of their erection -- while the irony is that, if you please your woman in other ways, she does not care how hard you are and the imaginary American Idol judges vanish.

“The erection has its own cycles and some men are intolerant of that,” says Epstein. “That’s why they like Viagra: It takes that insecurity away.” Indeed, a lot of sex therapists approve of Viagra and its erectile dysfunction cousin, Levitra, as a sort of antianxiety drug. “It gets men over a certain kind of hump,” Epstein continues, while the more long-lasting Cialis precludes the quick-before-it-melts anxiety some men experience after popping Viagra.

How to Make Sexual Foreplay Work for You

Meaning that if you are worried about your erection electing to vanish, you can have your cake (or steak) and give her those appetizers too. “Some men have problems with rapid ejaculation,” says Weston, citing another oft-encountered reason for avoiding sexual foreplay. “Sometimes they’ll go for an early insert, if you will, then hope that there might be enough interest from their partner that there might be a round two later, and there might be some foreplay in between those two intercourse times.”

Does that make it interplay? Regardless, not all women want the same thing, as you may have read somewhere. Weston counseled one couple in which the woman wanted the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am while her older mate (well-trained by earlier women, no doubt) liked to linger longer. She ultimately ended up leaving him, and for the women who may be reading this: No, I do not have his number.

“He was there going, ‘But what’s wrong with this?’” recalls Weston. “’Why not take our time?’ She kind of had a heat-of-the-moment erotic pattern, the way it is often portrayed in movies.”

Sexual Foreplay and Lovemaking: What’s Your Hurry?

Pop culture is surely another culprit. How many quickie sex scenes (on the train, in the bathroom, on the kitchen table?) have you seen in movies and cable shows? Too seldom do they show the women’s frustration afterwards; it would slow down the plot. But there is no downside to slowing down the storyline in your lovemaking. In fact, there may be fringe benefits in the foreseeable future.

“They’re missing out on the time they can spend having sex,” says Weston of the men who regularly forego sexual foreplay in order to cut straight to intercourse. “Unless they’re really short on time or sleep, it seems to me that the extra minutes are only a plus. They’re also probably missing out on goodwill coming from their partner.”
You can call that dessert.

Laughter and Sex Connection

Why Do We Laugh?
By Linda Lewis | Published 09/12/2007 | Men Health | Unrated

Whether you snort, cackle, chortle, or have a wild, weird little giggle, you have a "laugh print," a personal signature that's too, too you.

Laughter is so basic to humans, we barely notice it -- unless it totally pleases or absolutely annoys us.

But laughter has power -- the power to energize the hum-drum, add levity to the everyday blah-blah-blah. Laughter carries such a social connection that it's a mating ritual, a way to bond. Studies suggest that laughter may boost our health.

Our all-too-human laughter sets us -- and our close cousins, the primates -- apart from all other species that roam our planet, says Robert R. Provine, PhD, a behavioral neurobiologist at the University of Maryland in Baltimore.
"Think about it the next time you walk through woods listening to the odd cries and calls of the creatures that live there: When you laugh, those creatures are hearing sounds that are just as odd and just as characteristic of our own species," he writes in his book, Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.

No Laughing Matter

Provine has spent a decade studying laughter. It's the best way to understand human behavior, he tells WebMD. "Laughter is a mechanism everyone has; laughter is part of universal human vocabulary. There are thousands of languages, hundreds of thousands of dialects, but everyone speaks laughter in pretty much the same way."
Everyone has the capacity to laugh. Children born deaf and blind are able to laugh. Babies laugh long before they acquire speech. Even apes have a form of "pant-pant-pant" laughter.

Laughter is primitive, an unconscious vocalization, Provine says. "In laughter we emit sounds and express emotions that come from deep within our biologic being -- grunts and cackles from our animal unconscious," he writes.

Do you seem to laugh more than others? It's likely genetic, he explains.
Consider this story: One set of "giggle twins," separated at birth, was not reunited until 40 years later.

"Until they met each other, neither of these exceptionally happy ladies had known anyone who laughed as much as she did," Provine reports. "Yet, both were reared by adoptive parents they described as undemonstrative and dour. These gleeful twins probably inherited some aspects of their laugh sound and pattern, readiness to laugh, and perhaps even taste in humor."

The Sex Connection

Because laughter is largely spontaneous and uncensored, it is a powerful probe into social relationships, writes Provine. Laughter can make people seem warm or authoritative, cooperative or ineffectual, or just plain obnoxious.

Tickling has long been the trigger that creates laughter, something even the ancients knew, says Provine. Tickling itself is an interesting phenomenon, he points out. When parents tickle an infant or a child, it's to evoke laughter.

In fact, tickling is much the same behavior as the rough-and-tumble play of apes. "Except when apes laugh, it's a pant-pant-pant kind of sound rather than ha-ha-ha," he points out.

Among adults, tickling is an important part of foreplay. "Mention tickling, and people may have an image of being held down by older brother. But they forget that tickling is also part of a rough and tumble in sack." Well, a gentler form of tickling certainly is, he clarifies.

Provine has studied male/female laughter patterns. In one series of "urban safaris," he set out to study humans in their natural habitat of shopping malls, city sidewalks, and the university student union -- documenting 1,200 laugh episodes.

His findings: Speakers laugh more than their audiences -- 46% more. The effect was even more striking when females were doing the talking. They laughed 126% more often than the guys they were talking to.

"Female speakers are enthusiastic laughers whoever their audience may be," writes Provine. "Male speakers are pickier, laughing more when conversing with their male friends than with an audience of females. The least amount of speaker laughter occurred when males were conversing with females."

The social aspect of laughing was striking, he says. People laughed about 30 times more when they were around others than when they were alone. Compare that to other social interactions: People smiled more than six times more and talked more than four times more in social than solitary situations.

Like small talk, laughter plays a somewhat similar role in social bonding, solidifying friendships and pulling people into the fold. You can define "friends" and "group members" as those with whom you laugh.

But what makes us guffaw? "Our study failed to discover The Mother of All Jokes or even her next of kin," he writes. "In fact, most laughter did not follow anything resembling a joke, storytelling, or other formal attempt at humor."

Most laughter is about playful relationships between people, he says. "Laughter is not about jokes. If you pay attention to everyday life, you laugh," he tells WebMD.

Laugh Yourself to Better Health?

Many claim that laughter carries health benefits, that it represents all the positive emotions that offset hostility -- which should have positive effects on the immune system.

Provine says he's more skeptical than most -- admitting that among health activists, he's as welcome as a skunk at a picnic. Most research is very limited, he says.
The idea that laughter is therapeutic was popularized by Norman Cousins in his 1976 article, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, and expanded into a book.
In it, Cousins describes his affliction with a painful and life-threatening degenerative disease (ankylosing spondylitis) and his successful self-treatment with vitamin C, the Marx Brothers, and episodes from the old television series Candid Camera.

It makes sense that laughter -- like any positive activity -- can affect overall health, Provine admits. But laughter is actually a very violent activity. "Laughter increases your heart rate, but would similar changes be produced by yelling or singing? There may be something unique to laughter, but that research hasn't been done yet."

Baby steps have been made to prove laughter's health benefits, says Margaret Stuber, PhD, professor of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA. She also is co-director of the UCLA Jonsson Cancer Center's Rx Laughter, a nonprofit project dedicated to helping the ill via humor and to supporting more scientific research on laughter.

Stuber has found that when children watched funny videos -- while their hands were in ice water -- they could tolerate pain better, she reports. Why? Children who laughed more assessed the experience as less unpleasant. They also had lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Laughing-Impaired Can Get Help

Indeed, helping people change their view of life can lessen anxiety, reduce chronic stress -- adding laughter to their lives, she says.

Parents can teach their kids to see the funny side of life -- simply by seeing it themselves, Stuber says. Therapy can also help change the way you view life.

"We're starting to put puzzle pieces together, starting to see that people can be trained to see the funny side of things," she tells WebMD. "I think it's about learning to view situations as non-threatening or not embarrassing."

One study showed that people who are able to laugh -- rather than being embarrassed or angry in certain situations -- tend to have fewer heart attacks and better blood pressure, says Stuber. "When something happened, like a waiter spilling wine on their sleeve, those who laughed about it had less incidence of second heart attacks," she tells WebMD.

"There's more and more good research being done on the effects of laughter," Stuber says.

Once a psychotherapist, Stephan Wischerth now leads the New York City's Laughter Club. It's just what it sounds like: people get together to laugh, to lose their anxieties in contagious laughter. Among those who attend: someone with Stage 4 cancer, another person with a degenerative nerve disease, people who are really stressed out.

The contagious quality inherent in laughter -- that's what helps bolster them, he says.

"Laughing makes people laugh," Wischerth tells WebMD. "I find that we really have lot of laughs just frozen inside our chest, just dying to get out. I give people permission to laugh out loud, be silly, get rid of stress. They discover for themselves how to take life a little less seriously. People feel like they're constantly under barrage. Why not joke about it?"

Even "forced laughter" gets people to crack up, says Kim McIntyre, another Laughter Club leader at the Getting Well Campus in Orlando. As part of a mind/body/wellness program, McIntyre's efforts stimulate the inner child that too often gets lost as we age.

"Ninety percent of the time, when we start out with forced laughter, people start laughing," she tells WebMD. "Pretty soon, there's an overwhelming amount of genuine laughter. Your ear hears it and you start laughing."

Most Happy With Change Sex Results

Most Happy With Sex Change Results
By Linda Lewis | Published 10/30/2007 | Men Health | Unrated

Most people who undergo male-to-female sex change operations are pleased with the results despite some minor complications, according to the largest study ever of sex change results.

Researchers surveyed 222 patients who had sex change operations and found nearly 90% of them were happy with the results soon after surgery and nearly half were eventually able to achieve orgasm as a woman after a later follow-up.

The results suggest that most men who undergo a sex change to become a woman are happy with the cosmetic and functional results even though complications, such as vaginal hair growth and urinary problems, can occur.

“Despite these problems, which were mainly minor and easily corrected by secondary surgery, 76% of the patients who provided detailed feedback were happy with the cosmetic result of their surgery and 80% said the surgery had met their expectations,” says researcher Jonathan C. Goddard, MD, a urologist at University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust in the U.K., in a news release.

Sex Change Patients Happy

The study analyzed the early results of 222 patients who had a male-to-female sex change operation between 1994 and 2004. Seventy of these sex change patients were also contacted an average of three years later to obtain long-term follow-up information.

The men ranged in age from 19 to 76 with an average age of 43. Nine out of 10 of the sex change patients had a clitoris and vagina created during the procedure.

The results showed that 88% of sex change patients were happy with the initial results at their first follow-up appointment. Among those contacted about three years later, 76% said the cosmetic results were acceptable.

Researchers also found that among those contacted for follow-up:

• 23% of the patients had, or were having, regular vaginal intercourse.
• 61% were happy with the depth of their vagina.
• 98% had a sensitive clitoris.
• 48% were able to achieve clitoral orgasm.

The study also showed that minor complications were relatively common. For example:
• 14% had clitoral discomfort, but none had elected to have their clitoris removed.
• 29% were troubled by vaginal hair growth.
• 27% reported urinary problems, and the majority of these needed revision surgery.

“The outcome of this complex surgery depends on a number of factors,” says Goddard. “These include the technical experience of the surgeon, the amount and quality of tissue that each patient has available for reconstruction and, most importantly, the realistic expectations of the patients themselves.”

Make Over Your Sex Life

» Make Over Your Sex Life!
By Linda Lewis | Published 10/31/2007 | Men Health | Unrated

Not getting any? Our couple wasn’t either—until they tried a few of these hot ideas.

Sure, sex is all around us—in music, movies, the news, and even neighborhood drugstores (mine displays an array of inviting products right up front). You’d think we’d all be having it, all the time. We’re not. In fact, in a recent study nearly 20 percent of American couples reveal that they hadn’t had any sex at all in the past month. A month off doesn’t mean you’re sex-starved (in clinical terms, that would be six months), but it’s certainly not a great way to keep a relationship strong. Physical intimacy, as we all know, is an important and necessary part of bonding. So, what’s going on here?

To find out, I turned to Celeste and Rob, who have been married nine years, are working parents of a 4-year-old, and admit that sometimes they are just too pooped to pop. They let me take a peek into their bedroom and offer some tips on revving things up.

The issue: More snoozing than smooching

Like many couples, Celeste and Rob have intense, mismatched schedules, which means they don’t connect much on week-nights. “During the week my husband and I scarcely see each other. I leave really early for work, before he’s even up. Then Rob’s not home evenings until late, sometimes 9 p.m., just when I’m getting ready to pack it in,” Celeste says.

The Rx: Weeknight sex

It’s nice to have something to look forward to during the week, and sex is a great way to relieve stress and reconnect. To make it fun, take turns thinking of special treats for that night—food, a sexy video, massage oil, whatever inspires you.
Sex-o-meter: Yes, yes, yes!

When I checked back with Rob and Celeste, Thursday nights had become fun and sexy. Rob cut his lunch hour short so he could come home earlier. And Celeste got in the mood by indulging in a leisurely bath. He arrived with surprise treats, from sumptuous finger foods to sexy videos. Over time, Celeste started taking the lead—setting the stage, wearing something sensual, selecting a sex toy.

The issue: Not loving the love handles

Like many couples, Celeste and Rob have watched their bodies mature over nine years of marriage in ways that are not so sexy. Celeste points out, “It’s hard to love your body and even harder to have sex if you aren’t feeling sexy. I know that I don’t want to have sex on days when I feel fat or just down about myself.”

The Rx: Get fit for great sex

Studies show that people get a nice sex-life boost from losing 5 to 10 pounds. Plus, exercising increases energy, sex-hormone levels, and confidence about sex appeal. Feeling that you look good has a lot to do with how much fun you’re going to have in bed.

Sex-o-meter: Feeling frisky

Celeste goes to the gym during her lunch hour now. And Rob started a before-work routine. The first time they took a run together, they returned very much in the mood, which led to a memorable post-run romp.

The issue: Too much coitus interruptus

Let’s face it, kids can be sex killers. Blame it on lack of sleep, changing diapers, and all the other challenges of raising young children. Rob and Celeste have a 4-year-old who typically sleeps through the night. But, Rob says, “sometimes, even I get distracted during lovemaking knowing that Celeste is on the alert for him.”
The Rx: Make a love nest

On the occasional child-free night (give grandma a call), you can create a boudoir atmosphere right in your own home—or in the backyard or on the balcony (if it’s private). Push two couches together or make a plush floor area of velvet throws and pillows.

Sex-o-meter:Sheer bliss

Rob and Celeste were amazed at how much a simple change of venue in their very own home could boost their sexual excitement. Following my suggestion, they pushed their living room–sectional pieces together, creating a love-nest atmosphere that led to the best sexual experience Rob and Celeste had had in months.

The issue: The myth of spontaneous eruption

Sad but true: After the early years of a relationship, you’re not so likely to be spontaneous or adventuresome. And all that scheduling to have sex can make it seem rote, Rob and Celeste admit. “Compared with the early days, we’ve become very proficient,” Celeste says. “But I miss the spontaneous surprises and intensity.”

The Rx: Spice-it-up box

A fun way to add spontaneity is to use a suggestion box. Both partners can write down sexual things they’d like to do and stick them into the box. Then on sex night, they can pick a sexy suggestion from the box.

Sex-o-meter: Off the charts!

Celeste and Rob loved the box. “It gave us a safe place to ask each other for things without being embarrassed,” Celeste says. “This seriously made our lives a little more spontaneous and enjoyable.” Rob adds, “I often find myself writing down things at work and placing them in my pocket.

My biggest fear is that I’ll forget to put my idea in the box and the dry cleaner will find it and look at me differently every time I pick up my clothes!”

Linda De Villers, PhD, is a certified sex therapist based in California and author of Love Skills.

Older Americans Have Active Sex Lives

Older Americans Have Active Sex Lives
By Rogger Miller | Published 10/31/2007 | Men Health | Unrated

Though half report bothersome sexual problems, sexually active Americans aged 57-85 have sex as often as those aged 18-59.

The findings come from a nationally representative sample of 3,005 U.S. residents. They show that sexual intimacy remains an important part of most people's lives as they age, says researcher Stacy Tessler Lindau, MD, of the University of Chicago.

"Many older and younger men and women make the choice not to be sexually active. But the majority of people, young and old, do engage in sexuality," Lindau said at a news conference.

How sexually active are older Americans?

"An interesting finding is among those sexually active, the frequency we saw of sex two or three times a month or more is not different from 18- to 59-year-olds," Lindau said. "So if one has a partner, the frequency of sex does not change a lot between age groups."

It is people's health -- not their age -- that ultimately limits their sexual activity, says researcher Edward O. Laumann, PhD, of the University of Chicago.
Sexual inactivity is "much more a consequence of health than otherwise," Laumann said at the news conference. "When sexual health begins to deteriorate, it is an important warning sign of more profound health problems."

Inevitably, aging people do reach a point at which sex becomes increasingly rare, says researcher Linda J. Waite, PhD, of the University of Chicago.

"The one thing that surprised me was that among the oldest adults with sex partners, only a minority reported being sexually active," Waite said at the news conference. "There seems to be a point in people's lives when their health declines. They become frail, and -- although still partnered -- they are not having any kind of sexual activity. That is an important part of the picture of sexuality in older ages."

During the survey, trained researchers interviewed subjects, administered questionnaires asking intimate questions, and obtained medical data including blood, saliva, and vaginal swab samples.

The survey unearthed what Lindau calls "a gold mine" of data on the sexuality of Americans aged 57-85. Some key facts:

• People in "very good" or "excellent" health were far more likely to be sexually active than those in "fair" or "poor" health: 79% more likely for men, and 64% more likely for women.

• At any age, women were less likely than men to have an intimate partner. This disparity "increased dramatically with age," the researchers found.

• Few older people not in a relationship are sexually active: only 22% of men and only 4% of women.

• 54% of sexually active older people have sex at least two to three times a month. Twenty-three percent report sex once a week or more.

• Oral sex is reported by 58% of sexually active people aged 57-64 and by 31% of those aged 75-85.

• Masturbation is reported by 52% of men and 25% of women in an intimate relationship and by 55% of men and 23% of women not in relationships. "This suggests older adults have a drive or a need for sexual fulfillment," Lindau says.

• Sex is "not at all important" for 35% of older women, but only 13% of older men. "Women say, 'On the one hand I am not now interested in sex, but if I met the right kind of partner, maybe I would consider it,'" Lindau says.

• Half of all older people report at least one bothersome sexual problem.

• The most common sexual problems for men are erection difficulty (37%), lack of interest in sex (28%), climaxing too quickly (28%), performance anxiety (27%), and inability to climax (20%).

• The most common sexual problems for women are lack of interest in sex (43%), difficulty with lubrication (39%), inability to climax (34%), finding sex not pleasurable (23%), and pain (17%).

• The most common reason for not having sex was the male partner's physical health.
• Even though most older people report some sexual problems, only 38% of men and 22% of women 50 years or older ever discuss sex with their doctors.

Healthy Sex at Older Ages

The survey suggests that most people eventually will have to negotiate sexual problems as the age, says John H.J. Bancroft, MD, director emeritus and senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, Indiana University, Bloomington.

An editorial by Bancroft, the author of the landmark book Human Sexuality and Its Problems, accompanies the Lindau study in the Aug. 23 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine.

Bancroft says that relationships and mental health are more important predictors of sexual well-being than physical troubles with sexual arousal and sexual response.
"A key and fundamental issue is, when older men start to lose the ability for erections, how should they adapt to that? Obviously, this depends on the partner. So there is a need for negotiation," Bancroft tells WebMD.

One option is for the couple to shift the emphasis away from erections to sexual intimacy that does not require an erection. But this may be difficult for some people -- men in particular.

"We live in a very phallocentric society in which men grow up to focus on their erections as being all-important," Bancroft says. "Here is an important difference between men and women. What the penis is doing is much more central to the man's sexual experience than the woman's genitalia are to hers. She tends to focus on her feelings."

An informed doctor, Bancroft says, can help couples explore forms of sexual intimacy that do not always require a male erection.

"The approach to sex therapy that I and others use gets couples to work through stages: working with touch at first, and vaginal entry only at the later stages," he says. "And a lot can happen in those really early stages in terms of touching and feeling close and intimacy."

A second issue, Bancroft says, is that both men and women find it more difficult to reach orgasm as they age.

"What is desirable, and what I encourage any couple to do, is to look for ways to enjoy physical intimacy without having the same expectations they had when they were younger," he advises. "Much of the bonding effect of physical intimacy does not depend on sex. Indeed, intimacy can be enhanced for couples that can embrace changes rather than be threatened by them."

Loss and Rekindling of Libido in Men

Loss of Libido in Men
By Peter Hill | Published 12/13/2007 | Men Health | Unrated

Men don’t like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction, according to Barry McCarthy, co-author of Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages.

Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. “But when men lose interest in sex it scares them more than women -- their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality that it is very threatening,” says Esther Perel, a couples therapist in New York city and author of Mating in Captivity.

Loss of libido also makes men more unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general vs. 46% of women, says Edward Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago co-author of The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. “It bothers men more.”

But loss of libido is not something you have to live with. There is much you can do to regain your sex drive and your happy outlook on life.

Libido loss doesn’t usually happen suddenly – it’s not like catching a cold where you wake up one morning and whoops, there it is. It can be a gradual process. Though difficult to define precisely, Laumann measures it as follows: “It is a lack of interest in sex for several months of the past year.”

Frequency of sexual activity is not the best measure of sexual interest – so many circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is there. But if you are in a committed relationship and having sex less often than the norm -- about once a week – you might ask yourself whether you are happy with things as they are.
If you’re not happy about your loss of libido, researchers agree that it is best to grapple with these issues before they become entrenched. To help identify the early warning signs, see whether you answer the following questions true or false:

1. Touching takes place only in the bedroom.

2. Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.

3. One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.

4. You no longer look forward to sex.

5. Sex is mechanical and routine.

6. You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse.

7. You have sex once or twice a month at most.

“If you answered true to many or most of these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire,” writes McCarthy. Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the appropriate resolution.

What Accounts for Loss of Libido in Men?

The causes of this complex problem range from the physical and medical to the psychological and social. Quick fixes don’t solve everything.

• Erectile Dysfunction Causes Loss of Libido

Impotence, or ED, erectile dysfunction, is not the same as loss of libido, but when you experience one, sooner or later you are likely to feel the other as well. “Only 7% of young men report being unable to keep an erection,” Laumann says. Though ED does increase with age: “It’s 12% by age 40, 18% for ages 50-59; and then a sharp rise by age 60 to 25%to 30%,” says Laumann.

The good news: depending on the cause, “drugs can help that,” Laumann says. Vasodilators, such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, enhance blood flow to the penis. It also helps to understand that it’s normal for erections to come and go during lovemaking -- "It can happen two to five times in a 45-minute sexual session,” McCarthy says.

• Performance Anxiety and Loss of Libido

Men report two major problems -- anxiety about performance and climaxing too early, according to Laumann. Almost one in three men report premature ejaculation, while under one in five are worried about performance, according to Laumann.
And the anxiety doesn’t stop there. Many modern, loving, and conscientious husbands feel they have not truly “performed” unless their partners climax during sex, too. And as Laumann’s statistics show, only 26% of women report that they always experience orgasm during sex, compared with 75% of men. No wonder men feel the pressure – and performing under pressure can cause loss of libido.

• Stress Leads to Loss of Libido

Job stress and self-esteem are also big factors. “If a man’s performance at work is challenged, and he doesn’t feel he is achieving or doesn’t feel self-worth, he often numbs himself sexually,” says Perel, “Desire is a healthy form of entitlement -- when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down.”

• Medical Conditions Can Cause Loss of Libido

A variety of medical problems and chronic physical conditions can diminish a man's sex drive. Serious illnesses, such as cancer and depression, can certainly dampen any thoughts of sex. Cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and diabetes can reduce blood flow to the body, including the genitals, wreaking havoc on libido as well. Chronic alcoholism and even occasional excessive alcohol consumption are notorious for inflaming desire but impeding performance. Conditions such as thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland (which controls most hormone production, including sex hormones) can also lower libido.

• Medications Can Interfere With Libido

The class of depression drugs called SSRIs can inhibit desire. So can tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Illicit substances, such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, when used heavily and chronically, may also cause loss of libido. On the positive side, when you talk to your doctor about these issues, there are alternative drugs for depression and other conditions that may have less of an impact on sexual desire.

• The Quality of the Relationship Is an Important Part of Libido

It is not only women who respond – with sexiness or inhibited sexuality – to how happy they are in their relationship. Problems with sex can – but do not always – signal other problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Anger and disappointment often carry over into the bedroom.

• Too Much Togetherness Can Sap Libido

The paradox of modern relationships is that greater intimacy may not make for better sex. “Sometimes too much closeness stifles desire; fire needs air,” says Perel.. “Separateness is a precondition for connection. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire.”

• The Wrong Kind of Respect Can Cause Loss of Libido

For some men, the very love and respect they have for their partners – especially after the birth of a baby – can become an obstacle to sexual desire. “A lot of men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It feels too regressive, too incestuous,” says Perel. And of course, if they are pulling their weight in the care of a baby or young children, the resulting exhaustion can sap libido for men as surely as it does for women.

Even where children are not involved, Perel reports that some men say things like, “I can’t do that with my wife.” Her advice? In the first instance, get some sleep. In the second, you never know until you try.

8 Tips for Rekindling Libido

The advice here is not so much about getting more, but getting better. Frequency is not the only measure of libido. Feelings count, too. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it before, during, and after, that is the true measure of whether your libido is healthy. Here’s how to help combat loss of libido.

1. Get physical and Boost Libido

“When you have no desire you feel frozen. Juice is not flowing – so movement is important, figuratively as well as literally,” say Perel. “It gets people unstuck.” Take up a sport, go walking, with or without your partner. If you already walk or run or work out, try challenging yourself just a little bit further, so you feel a sense of accomplishment and vitality. That physical confidence will carry over into sexual confidence.

2. Keep Expectations Real

It may take the pressure off performance anxiety to bear in mind that not every sexual encounter has to be perfect. Probably only about 40% to 50% of sexual events can be mutually satisfying, McCarthy writes in his book. If you laugh off moments when things don’t work right, your partner will be more likely to want to experiment the next time around, since it takes some pressure and guilt off of her, too.

3. Use Imagination to Fight Loss of Libido

Yes, exploring your fantasies is now regarded by marriage therapists as a good thing. If you want your partner to share in the joy, you may want to both explore further some of the newer erotic literature and films that include female fantasies as well as male. After you’ve shared yours, ask your partner about her fantasies. If she says she doesn’t have any, don’t stop there. Instead, ask her to name just one thing she has ever wished a man would do to give her pleasure. (That’s a fantasy, but she may not call it that.)

4. Build Anticipation to Combat Loss of Libido

Sure, the idea of sex being utterly spontaneous -- no planning, just the heat of the moment -- sounds great. But for anyone with jobs, family, and real lives, there just may not be enough hours in the day to wait for the inclination to arise. Instead, turn planning into an opportunity to build anticipation, the way you look forward to going to a basketball game. Take pleasure in the details – get your partner a little gift, put on your favorite music from college days, turn off the phones and hire a babysitter to take the kids out to a long movie so there will be no interruptions.

5. Focus on the Whole Body to Boost Libido.

For men, sexuality tends to be focused disproportionately on the genitals. Focusing on the other erogenous zones can ease performance pressure – and add new pleasure. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, the shortest distance between two points – from arousal to orgasm -- is not necessarily a straight line to the genitals. Take detours along the whole body, for yourself and your partner. Be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented. Tease and touch and take your time.

6. Talk About What You Want to Increase Libido

Talking is hard in the best of times, but even harder if you have been avoiding sex together and tension is high. So if you can’t talk, get one of the dozens of excellent sex books out there and point to a chapter. Cozy up and read it together. Look at the pictures, laugh – and let your partner know you’re open to making things better between you.

7. Go Out With Friends Together

Desire feeds on newness. When you go out to a dinner party with other people, you get the chance to see your partner in a fresh light. You remember how interesting and exciting she is – and she gets to see you shine as well. You remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place.

8. Specialists Can Help Combat Loss of Libido

When you have an electrical problem, you call an electrician, right? Sex and marital specialists can be just as helpful when it comes to loss of libido, so get over your resistance to asking for directions, and call one.

Check with your doctor or urologistto rule out any medical conditions that may be playing a part. If you are taking medication, such as an antidepressant, that may be causing loss of libido, discuss alternatives with your doctor.

How To Enlarge Your Penis

PENIS ENLARGEMENT TECHNIQUES

Power Stretch Technique

The power stretch technique is basically what it sounds like. By stretching the penis regularly, you help to lengthen the suspensory ligament and tissues of the penis which will help to lengthen the penis over time. Dr. Walter Schlesingser M.D. first made a similar technique popular in his book titled “Penicure, the Manhood Miracle”.

Benefits and Results of the Stretching Exercises

Squeezing and pulling your penis on a regular basis can produce incredible size gains, just as exercising muscles will make them larger. These exercises stretch your penis out, while also stretching the erectile tissue. These are the exercises for lengthening your penis in its flaccid and erect state.

By safely exercising the penis so blood fills the spaces and forces them larger, you can in fact grow your penis easily. These exercises can be performed daily, but should be performed at least 3 times a week to aid in the lengthening process.

After performing these exercises for awhile, your penis will extend longer both when your hard and when your limp. All this stretching is done quite safely and cannot hurt you in any way as long as you warm up properly, and use common sense. Stretching exercises also lengthen the skin connecting the testicles to the penis, giving you a more "hung" appearance and lower hanging and larger testicles.

In addition to penis enlargement effects, stretching exercises promote an increase in testosterone and sperm count.

Notes

• Stretching technique is designed for the main purpose of lengthening your penis. Please note that it will not do anything for the thickening aspect.

• Stretching the penis with your hand produces the same results as traditional penis weight systems. The best way to use your hand is by applying most of the pressure anywhere else except on the dorsal nerve, which is that thin nerve that runs along the top of the penis. There is nothing wrong with designing your own way of gripping your penis, as long as you know where and where not to apply the wrong pressures.

• Don't hold too tight, or you'll cut off the circulation.

• Always be warmed up thoroughly before doing any exercise.

• Be sure to always stretch while limp.

• If you find that you get an erection while trying to perform the stretch, stop for a moment and let the erection subside, then continue with the exercises.

• You do not need lubrication of any kind in this exercise. In fact, you want to be as dry as possible so you can get a good grip on the penis head.

Exercise Variations

In addition to the stretching exercises introduced in the exercises section, we would like to introduce one more variation of power stretch technique. This exercise was invented by Johan and borrows from a concept known as active isolated stretching.

The basic principle of this exercise is to test a muscles "kick-back" reflex to see how long that particular muscle takes to respond (muscles usually respond with a contraction within 1 1/2 and 2 seconds) to a strain placed on it, and get a stretch in before this "kick-back" occurs. When Johan applied this theory to his penis enlargement endeavors, this technique was born.

Steps Instructions

1. Create an overhand OK grip. Extend slowly to a medium stretch.

2. Start breathing in and stretch your penis. Hold the stretch for two seconds while inhaling.

3. Release the stretch but keep the grip while exhaling for two seconds.

4. Perform steps 2 and 3 for 75 times (5 minutes)

Jelq Technique

The key exercises in our guide are variations of the Arabic jelq technique. This technique is hundred years old, and is the most powerful penis enlargement technique know to man.

The jelq technique was reportedly first used by Arab tribesmen centuries ago as part of the passage from puberty to manhood. A symbol of masculinity and power in many cultures, a thick manly penis is an object of desire for many women and an object of envy by our less-endowed brothers.

At the point of puberty, the boy of the culture was shown by their fathers how to jelq (milk for enlargement). For 10 minutes every day, the young men jelqed their penis, and continued this exercise all the way to adulthood. Once adulthood was reached, they cut down their jelq sessions to 3 times a week to maintain their size and strength. The jelq method also resembles "milking" because of the obvious milking technique the jelq resembles.

How the Jelq Works?

Unlike anything you will ever come across, this technique will lengthen and thicken your penis. Jelq works because as you milk your penis, you are forcing blood into spaces in the Corpora Cavernosa.

As you jelq your penis, the spaces in the penis continually stretch larger and larger, breaking down the cell walls within the Corpora Cavernosa (erectile tissue). Over time, the spaces just keep getting larger and stronger, healing at night while you sleep. The technique also stretches the tissues of the penis as well as the suspensory ligament, which will help to lengthen the penis.

Notes

• The jelq technique is best performed in a semi-erect state (1/2 to 3/4 erect) Results cannot be obtained until a partial erection is present. If you have trouble achieving a partial erection, you may need to stroke yourself to a full erection and then let it subside somewhat.

• Your choice for lubrication is a crucial one, because if you choose one that evaporates easily then you will become tired of reapplying it. Your best choices for jelqing is Vaseline and Baby-Oil. We recommend Johnson's & Johnson's Baby Oil with Vitamin E added. We find that it is a good lube for exercise plus it is also nice to apply to your penis and testicles after showering to keep them healthy.

• If you feel the uncontrollable urge to ejaculate while performing jelq, you have a very weak and poorly developed ejaculatory muscle "PC.” Upon the first sign of ejaculation, stop and wait for the feeling to subside. This will also teach restriction that will help when you make love. You need to really focus on ejaculation control techniques if you cannot help but to ejaculate when jelqing.

• Jelqing requires more pressure and a tighter grip than the other penis enlargement exercises. You will want to apply pressure just to the point where you feel slight discomfort and then release very slightly so that you are gripping as firmly as you can without causing discomfort. This additional pressure is one of the primary reasons that we caution against performing it with an erect penis.

• DO NOT jelq in the shower! Most men will not stand up for the amount of time needed to have a good jelq session, and if you use soap you will be sore for days. For your sake, do not jelq in the shower and do not use soap.

Exercise Variations

In addition to the jelq exercises introduced in the exercises section, we would like to introduce one more exercise using the jelq technique. This exercise requires the constant use of two hands.

Steps Instructions

1. Massage your penis until it reaches 60-80% erection.

2. Use your left hand and make an "OK" sign with your thumb and index finger and grip tightly around the head of your penis. Exert a light stretch.

3. Using the right hand, starting from the base of the penis, slowly pull (milk) towards the penis head. It should take 2-3 seconds to reach the glans.

4. Once the right hand meets the first hand at the glans, release its grip and return the right hand to the base.

5. Repeat from step 3 to step 4. Alternate hands if needed.

6. Perform the exercise for 5 minutes.

V Stretch Technique

The V Stretch is a method of stretching designed to exert greater forces on the tunica and ligaments than is possible by simply pulling on the penis from its point of attachment out along a single axis.

When performing simple stretches, any force is exerted from the points at which the penis attaches to the body, outward along the internal structures that run the length of the penis, to the glans.

The V Stretch technique works to help increase imbalances in the stress on the penis by incorporating a secondary transverse force. A larger than normal cross sectional tension gradient is created allowing the force exerted by the hand to be more effective on a targeted area of the tunica than would be possible if the entire tunica was under equal tension.

V Stretch Theory

We all know that the stress experienced within a cord (in this case a penis) is increased as the load supported by the cord is positioned in a manner that the angles of the anchored ends approach 180 degrees. In other words, a 10 pound force suspended from a cord exerts only 10 pounds of force within the fibers of the cord. BUT anchor the cord from 2 ends and place the 10 pound mass in the center and the tension within the cord increases very greatly.

For example, we may hang from a clothes line tied to a tree branch. But if you try to hang from the same cord when it is stretched between 2 clothes line poles, it will break under your weight. The tension within the clothesline exceeds the tensile strength of the rope.

The usefulness of V stretches does not arise out of the decomposition of vector forces into component directions, but rather from the localization of the forces at the point of the bend and the increase in total pulling force by the use of two hands. This is the theory behind V Stretch technique.

Notes

• While performing the warm up for the exercises using V Stretch technique, ensure that the wrap encompasses both the penis shaft and the ligaments around the pubic bone.

• The grip should be no further back than half an inch from the coronal ridge of the glans roughly in line with the circumcision scar, it will ride forward a little as the tension increases. Uncircumcised people may find it of benefit to retract the foreskin fully before attaching the grip.

• Between stretches and at the end of a session gently shake the penis or slap it against your thigh and massage the shaft to restore blood flow.

• The level of force is an important factor. The body adapts quickly and a routine may very quickly lose its productivity. If the force applied is not great enough the body will regenerate torn fibers with bigger and stronger ones that will only make the penis harder to stretch in the future.

• If any sharp or throbbing pain is experienced at any time during the exercise stop immediately. Common sense is key, always avoid sudden and/or excessive movements.

Exercise Variations

For the sake of simplicity, the basic exercise using the V Stretch technique is introduced in the exercises section. A variation of the exercises using the technique is described below.

Steps Instructions

1. Use your right hand, creating an overhand OK grip and hold the head of the penis.

2. Extend your penis slowly to a full stretch. Hold it for 5 seconds.

3. Using the thumb of your left hand, press down in the middle of the penis. Hold for 20 seconds.

4. Release carefully your left hand.

5. Do the same as step 3. This time, press down near the base of the penis.

6. Release carefully your left hand.

7. Do the same as step 3. This time, press down near the head of the penis.

8. Perform step 1 to step 7 for 10 times (10 minutes)