Cybersex, Pornography and Addiction

Dr. Marc Kern
Addiction Expert, Director of Addiction Alternatives
Dr. Marc Kern is the founder of Addiction Alternatives, a California based practice in which he works with a variety of addictions. A proponent of Harm Reduction, Dr. Kern blends his own personal history of alcohol and drug problems and nearly 30 years of experience treating addictions. Today, through his books, "Take Control Now" and "Responsible Drinking", and his speeches to peers and other professionals, Dr. Kern teaches people that addiction is not a life sentence.

What is "cybersex"?

Cybersex is a very interesting sort of phenomenon. Cybersex is sort of a function of the Internet, a function of computers, and sort of things like that. But what it provides is a mechanism that has heretofore never been available. People can communicate and talk with other human beings and fantasize and to discuss sexual content and to engage in a virtual sexual relationship that, at least in their minds, is real. It's not, I don't think we have to worry about AIDS and things like that because there's no physical contact. But the mechanisms and the desires of sex and sexual intimacy and sexual contact can be lived out through the Internet in cybersex.

Are all sexual interactions online unhealthy?

I wouldn't think so. I would in fact envision that down the road a decade from now there would be more normalizing of this sort of interaction, particularly for individuals who live outside of larger communities, the larger cities and things like that. But right now it's been sort of capitalized on by people that are sort of seeking out that sexual arousal, intimacy in a vicarious way, in a safe way. You can't reject me because of the way I look, or how much I weigh, or whatever be. I'm available, you are who I think you are, not really who you are. You could be anybody. But nonetheless, I can live out some of my fantasies, feel good and feel satiated and talk about taboo topics that I couldn't perhaps talk to eye to eye, or something like that.

How are sex addicts affected by Internet pornography and cybersex?

The effect of internet pornography and cybersex on sex addicts is not necessarily negative, but it can be. It is like a lot of different things. The truth is that there is no real, physical, tangible intimacy. There is no real person to person or eye to eye contact. It is all vicarious and virtual. It is all in the mind. If you are living in Alaska, or far from a large city, it might be a very healthy substitution. On the other hand, if it is the exclusive way sex addicts involve themselves intimately, it can end up becoming a predominant way then eventually exclusive way that a sex addict interacts with people and has sexual involvement.

Are women engaged in cybersex?

Women are as equally involved in cybersex as men, maybe even more. For a woman, it's a very dangerous world to be involved in as a woman and to look for a mate, and health and diseases. And what about your body image? And what about being rejected? And things like that. I would imagine that women, in some way, it satisfies a lot more need than you might expect, and actually in a healthy way. In some ways, it's like a romantic novel with someone on the other side.

Can people who are not sex addicts become addicted to online pornography?

Do they have to be classic sex addicts, I don't necessarily think so. I think, though, that cyberspace can be all-consuming, can answer a lot more needs than a real partner can answer, and can become all-consuming, and that would be independent of the actual physicality of a sex addict.

How is an online pornography addiction different from regular pornography addiction?

Online pornography addiction and regular pornography addiction are virtually the same. It's just the medium, the availability that differs; online pornography can be accessed from home, an addict doesn't have to go outside their house. It can be obtained at any time, anywhere with computer access. Time breeds monotony and online pornography addicts can can view images – a vastly greater number of images – directly on their monitor on a website than can be found at the local newsagents on the magazine rack.

What is "pornography addiction"?
Pornography addiciton is just a variant as I would see it, as sexual addiction it's primarly not with a human being. It's with pictures and images and of course the internet plays a big role in the availability of it and it often involves a great expense. I've worked with people who've spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on images. Pornorgraphy of all shapes and sizes. Now there's also subsets of pornography addiction such as, you know... graphic images of children versus graphic images of adults and that is a whole together different sort of domain but there are similarities. But people with pornography addiction do not necessarily do well with a real person. They do well with and objective piece of paper that they can visualize, fantasize about but, they don't have to negotiate all the feelings and thoughts and talk that you might have to do with a real human being.

What are the dangers of pornography addiction?

In the harm reduction model, it is not inappropriate for a pornography addict to look at pornography and spend money on pornography. And the goal would be to spend less and to be involved less. But if someone doesn't really have the skills to interact with another human being, it's, generally speaking, a safe substitute. These people are often lonely, have poor self esteem, can't seem to have the courage to maybe ask a girl to dance or whatever the dynamic is, and this is generally a safe involvement. Now again, it too can get expensive, and spend too much time with that preoccupation, but it's a matter of degree. I don't believe that it needs to be that they don't ever look at another "Playboy" or "Hustler" magazine again.